Sick Of Your Ego? Think You Want To Get RID Of It? Here Are 3 Ways To WORK WITH IT Instead

The Mind Loops Blog – Jan 2022

Countless times have I heard seekers lament:

My ego is such a pain in the ass! It’s irritating and stressful!
How can I DUMP it and get on with ASCENDING?

I understand the gripe. However…

What IS the Ego?

What is your ego, anyway? Is it like an entity that can be killed? Can you find it in your body?


Hmm. That’s a problem if you want to get rid of it – when it’s not a thing that can be dissolved, beaten, or exorcised.

Your ego is a type of THINKING. And generally (except on rare occasions with advanced meditators), thoughts do not, and will not, stop. They are constant. Irritatingly so, at times.

Which means: Thinking cannot be “rid of,” “dumped,” or “killed.”

And despite your occasional (or often) disgust with your ego-mind, I guarantee you would NOT want to get rid of it. Because the ego’s primary role is to PROTECT you.

Your ego is your guard, big brother, caretaker. It’s the part of you that doesn’t want you to fall out of the tree you’re climbing, nor stroll into a busy street, nor venture into that dark alley at night.

The problem is that we misuse its caretaking ability – by imagining worst-case-scenarios, re-living horrible past events, and unconsciously following, and reacting from, early childhood programming.

Okay. But if my ego is protecting me… then… Wait… who am *I*?

You Are Not Your Thoughts.

Ego-thinking can easily become addicted to negative Mind Loops: Fear and worry… resentment and guilt… blaming and playing the victim… self doubt and judgment.

Real You isn’t any of those Mind Loops. It’s a deeper part of you, an eternal part.*

Real You can watch your thoughts move in and out of your consciousness, without feeling the need to grab hold of them and loop on them.

Real You is the Observer of your thoughts.

So how can you work WITH your ego, instead of fight AGAINST it?

The first step is to RECOGNIZE when ego-thinking has taken over. 

3 Ways To Recognize When You Are In EGO-MIND – And What To Do About It:

1) Whenever you hear an INSISTENT inner voice, ego-mind is trying to dominate a situation and tell you what you MUST do. (Ex:“I must call her RIGHT NOW and tell her…!”)

What to do:

  • First recognize that ego-mind is attempting to take control. (And by the way, the insistent voice is almost always accompanied by a Mind Loop).
  • Do NOT follow the insistence. Put the issue aside for the time being. Focus on something else. Allow emotional triggers to mellow out. (There will be less to apologize for or “clean up” later!).
  • Use the De-Looping Method to detach from the insistence if it’s “sticky” and difficult to unhook from.

  • Insistence is a hallmark of the ego-mind… because it is supposed to be insistent! Think about it: If you’re walking into the street as a bus is barreling toward you, ego needs to get you out of the way RIGHT NOW! There is no time to weigh the pros and cons when true danger is at hand. (See what a great pal your ego is?).

2) Ego-mind almost always focuses on the past and the future.
Which means: whenever you get stuck worrying about something (future thinking); resenting someone (past thinking); feeling afraid you’ll get sick, or lose your job, or your partner will leave you (future); marinate in guilt or blame (past)… ego-mind has taken over.

What to do:

  • Detach from past and future by focusing on one of your 5 senses: How many yellow things can you see in your environment right now? How many red things? Black things?

    Or close your eyes and count how many different sounds you can distinguish.
  • One of my favorite ways to detach from past- or future-thinking is the “My Left Foot” detaching exercise I describe in my book, How To Stop Negative Thoughts.

3) When ego-mind is in play, you’ll feel a background tension – even if subtle.

You may be focusing on a completely different subject or task than the one your ego-mind wants to chew on; yet you still sense this background tension.

It’s like when you’re working on your computer, and an app hasn’t shut down correctly. Silently it spins in the background… and slows down your computer.

It’s the same with background tension. Even when it’s subtle, it’s spinning in the background, confiscating your mental, physical, and emotional energy.

What to do:

  • If you sense background tension, schedule “Worry Time” or “Think Time”. This means setting aside a specific time when you’ll come back to the issue and think it through. You’ll be surprised to discover your ego-mind “hears” this, and will calm down.

    Worry/Think Time may be scheduled as loosely as “I’ll reassess that situation on my drive home this evening” or as specifically as “Friday the 28th at 11am”.

    However you schedule it, be sure to follow through with it. (Although many times, by the time the Worry/Think Time rolls around, the situation is resolved!). If you give false promises to your ego, and tell it you’ll revisit it later but then skip the appointment, it won’t believe you anymore, and won’t calm down. So be sure to at least check in when your scheduled “Worry Time” arrives.

By recognizing when ego-mind is attempting to take the Real You over – and then making the conscious choice to intervene and work WITH it – you will be allowing yourself and your ego-mind to RELAX.

Significantly higher levels of inner quiet and calm will be your reward.

Then recognize: The one who is noticing that inner calm… is the Real You.

PS: To detach from the ego-mind’s addiction to negative Mind Loops, practice the first 4 steps of the De-Looping Method as laid out in my book, How To Stop Negative Thoughts.

*For more on the eternal Real You, check out my blog, The Me Behind “me” and the You Behind “you”.

Barbara Ireland
Author of the #1 Amazon Kindle Bestseller, How To Stop Negative Thoughts
Contributing author of the #1 Amazon Bestseller, The Transformative Power of Near-Death Experiences

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