When You Can’t Compete With Multiple Orgasms – (and Other Losses)

The Mind Loops Blog – Nov 2021

If you were to place bets on who would win, between a fun friendship… and loads (pun intended) of multiple orgasms (along with NEW LOVE)… which do you think would win?

I’d guess most people would place their coins on the orgasms + love. Because we all know how POTENT that combo is. I mean wow. BEST CHEMICALS EVER.

The problem with the bet is that there’s a loser. And this time it’s Yours Truly.

A best friend recently fell HEAD OVER HEELS IN LOVE. I mean, the Big Shebang.

The “I only sleep 4 hours a night, work all day, laugh all night, have sex like a crazed bunny, he’s The One, omg LIFE IS GOOOOOD!” kind of love.

Which is beautiful. And truly truly truly, I am extremely happy for her, because she has wanted this so badly for the past 4 years.

The problem is, she disappeared from my life. As in PRESTO! Goners. And to add insult to injury, she is the THIRD good friend who has “disappeared” from my life in the past year for various reasons.

I feel bereft. Sometimes angry. Sometimes lonely. Tossed aside.

Sure, sure, I’m supposed to be “above all that,” and use my MIND to convince my BODY that this is a door opening to develop other friendships, or that it’s an opportunity to get evermore close to my Self, blah blah blah.

But my BODY, who listens to my Mind’s unconvincing lesson, just shrugs and walks away with its head down.

Because the fact is, SOMEONE ELSE gets to make and share meals with her. SOMEONE ELSE receives fun text responses with rainbows and potty emojis. SOMEONE ELSE gets to watch psychedelic documentaries and have side-splitting laughing attacks with her.

It feels like she died. I guess in a way, our friendship has died – even if just temporarily. I’ve been supplanted with sex and love chemicals WAY more powerful than the measly friendship I could offer.
(and let’s face it, even a crackerjack friend like me has ZERO CHANCE competing with multiple orgasms).

So I started LOOPING about it. Yep. The Mind Loops Chick, looping away like a mad hamster. Wheeee!
(actually, NOT wheee). 😦

You may not be going through a loss of a friend like I am. But you may be going through any of the other countless ways to experience loss:

The deep loss of a romantic relationship. The frightening loss of a job. Or simply the loss of wonderful vacation plans that just fell through. Or… a loss through death or illness.

So what do we do with losses?

Yes, our minds can and do help. De-Looping definitely helps. Active gratitude for all that we DO have and love in our life helps. But our bodies need some help too.

Out of all the tools I use to help myself through times of loss, there is *ONE TOOL* that is always always always a Best-In-the-Box. It’s simple – but not necessarily easy to do. It is…

TO SURRENDER.

Surrender? Like… lay down and LET IT (whatever nonsense is going on) just HAPPEN?! Be a WIMP, a DOOR MAT, a pathetic little Mickey MOUSE?!

No. Not that type of surrender. I’m talking about the type where you:

  1. ACCEPT: what is happening. It just IS.
    (sounds easy, right? it’s not. but it’s the first step to surrender).
  2. NOTICE: “Ohhh… I see. I CAN’T control what that other person: said / did / thinks about me… Nor can I control: the future / the weather / the past.”
  3. ASK YOURSELF: “Okay then… What is in MY control?” Make a list!
  4. ACT: on whatever is in your control. Attend meetups to meet new people (like I’m doing tonight). Speak up and express yourself. Give yourself extra love & care. Journal to uncover insights. And FEEL your feelings rather than push them under the rug to cause hassles later on.

Then, most importantly:

  1. LET GO of the rest.

Surrender = LETTING GO of what you can’t control.

It is:

• unclenching the internal fist.

• Relinquishing the desire for something to be different (or control what is out of your control).

• Not resisting What Is.

• And then releasing the situation to the Unknowable – whatever you believe the Unknowable to be. And if you don’t have a belief like that, you can simply release it to Life, to Nature, into the Air.

What Happens When You Surrender?


You will feel an instant softening inside. Suddenly you can breathe deeply again. Your forehead muscles at last take a break. You may feel like gently smiling for no reason.

It will feel like a gargantuan rock was just removed from your back and you can stand upright and be a human again.

And then… STUFF HAPPENS.

The energy around the situation begins to SHIFT. It’s as if Something Special intervenes:

A new idea pops into your mind. An opportunity arises. A wonderful new acquaintance is made. Something out of the blue occurs, that allows you to turn a corner.

Two days ago I finally surrendered the situation.

Yesterday I made a new friend.

Today I reached out to my friend again to see how she’s doing.

And discovered… they broke up. :-0


PS If you’d like step-by-step help with de-looping those awful-feeling negative thoughts, check out my book, How To Stop Negative Thoughts.

And/or, reach out for 1-on-1 coaching: barbara@themindloopgroup.com .

And… SURRENDER! xoxo


Barbara Ireland
Author of the #1 Amazon Kindle Bestseller, How To Stop Negative Thoughts
Contributing author of the #1 Amazon Bestseller, The Transformative Power of Near-Death Experiences

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