I decided to write a different kind of blog. One where I’m musing, rather than perfecting the words, making them “correct“ for anybody. Just thoughts spewing out. Take it or leave it.
I’m exhausted. After the death of my parents and a best friend and a stepfather (all within a couple months) three years ago, and after a prolonged time of grief, something miraculous occurred. Something that I’ve heard happening again and again to people who have lost parents or ended long and important relationships, or even moved. And it is this:
Something is at the end of that pain and struggle. An opening. The proverbial “light at the end of the tunnel“. People grow wings. They blossom. Doors open.
It happened to me too.
I think the reason this happens is because people and places lock us into an identity. Parents certainly do – not purposefully necessarily; but a child will always feel like (and BE) their parent’s child on some level. Or a person may connect their identity to a jobt. Or to a marriage. Or to a city they have lived in for years. Our identity becomes wrapped around, and within, the people and places we care about.
When one or multiple of those shifts… disappears… Something becomes unhinged. (First WE ourselves often become unhinged, but I’m talking about an unhinging after that).
That piece of our identity gets knocked off, like the arm of a beautiful sculpture that has fallen on the floor and the arm is sitting there separate from the sculpture. It can’t be glued back on. It’s gone. What is the sculpture now? How can it be re-formed into something beautiful again – while different?
Certainly human decision is involved in that re-formation process of one’s identity… but I believe there’s something more than a human decision involved. I think it’s a rebalancing. A system needs to rebalance after shocks of that sort. AND an opening to expand.
So what is the specific unfolding in my own life? My creative self has finally returned. After a 15 year lapse – not that I wasn’t creative during that time, but not the Full-On Artist I was my whole life up until my near-death experience. The NDE caused my brain to think more scientifically – which came in handy as I was developing my system to change repetitive negative thinking patterns which I call Mind Loops. I needed to understand the brain and patterns of humor behavior in order to create the De-Looping Method.
I’ve done that. I changed my life, and helped thousands of people change theirs. And now my creative self/brain/heart/system has returned. On full blast!
I am writing my first novel. That’s the main reason I’m exhausted right now – I was accepted into a writers retreat in Paris in July(!). I need to finish some manuscripts for that event. There’s a deadline involved. Uncomfortable—when writing for me is organic. But I am finishing what I need to, in time.
On May 8 an album that I sing (and composed two songs on), will be released, produced by Stone Gossard. It’s an amazing album – and hearkens back to my own musical roots of rock ‘n’ roll/punk rock. Two shows are set for the end of May in Seattle – if you’re in town, you won’t want to miss them!* I need to start preparing for that next…
So. I started this thought-spew saying, “I’m exhausted”. I won’t deny that the exhaustion I am feeling is hard on my body and nervous system… But… who’s complaining?! Lol I am the luckiest woman alive to be exhausted from an overload of creative work.😁
What is filling your emotional/creative/passionate self these days? I want to hear. And if you haven’t tuned into that part of yourself in a while… maybe it’s time? There’s so much joy waiting for you. 🎉☀️
And if you’re going through one of those “identity separation moments“… Know that I feel for you, and can’t wait for you to experience the blooming on the end of the hardship.❤️
*PS If you’re in the Seattle area, the two concerts are:
Easy Street Records 5/21/26
Clock Out Lounge 5/23/26 (this is the big one! – bring earplugs lol)
HOW TO STOP NEGATIVE THOUGHTS 